pale skin + too much sun + bright red color = unnatural and very painful

It's not that I like to walk around as if I'm a gorilla. Sometimes walking with your arms hung far from your body halfway down to the ground, and the waddle that results from your knees barely bending just calls for neccesity. I'm really not trying to score pity points in trying to be an old woman as I slowly and feebly set my sore body down, or gently and painstakingly raise to get up from the couch. I don't usually wince everytime someone touches me, as if any kind of physical contact must be endured rather than enjoyed. Normally I really do like hugs. I don't typically feel the need to walk around in extremly baggy clothing, or slightly less than modest material. It's not that I hold great disdain for wearing seatbelts or that the pained grimace I give everytime I reach for one is geared toward "click it or ticket." I've always been a pro seatbelt wearer. I know I like the color red a lot, but not that much. I know it looks like I'm still wearing a white swim suit, but that's actually the real color of my skin. I'm not really pro skin cancer and anti sunscreen. Believe it or not, I actually applied it twice that day. I really do believe in the application of layers of aloe vera, vinegar, and any other possible elixir that could even remotely have the potential to help the incessent burning at all (BioWater shoutout--Thank you Ottos!). Sometimes it just happens, but I have no idea how it got this bad. It's not because I didn't try. I guess I should thank my ancestry for the excessively pale complection I inherited. However it happened, until the insane itching begins, the smouldering along with the gorilla walk and old woman movements continue.