Dear Laptop,
I know you hate me. I know that you try to do everything in your power to make me miserable and frustrated. I know how you lulled me into a false sense of security in the beginning, and then slowly began to deteriorate, always waiting for the prime opportunity to leave me in the biggest lurch I've had yet. I know how you're doing it so gradually so as I might not notice, tricking me into thinking it's just become the new status quo for the way you run. I'm onto you.
I've noticed how you no longer run as fast as our first years together, that your battery seems to have decayed, that any of the external device readers only work some of the time, of the way you have gradually foced the hinges that hold the screen up loose, making the screen wobble when it's erect, and that the DVD/CD reader have progressively blown out and no longer function. I know of your devious ways as you assign new default printers without my knowledge, of how you print pictures and pages full of random alienated codes when I order you to print my research papers, of the way you play songs that I have never even downloaded on the media player that's not open. I recognize your scrambled mixed up keyboard with your many keys that have dislocated and scattered. I see your 4 typing when I touch the keys next to it, and your letter L situated crookedly. I notice your R sitting askewed and falling off with every couple of touches. I caught your semicolon attempting to relocate to a different position on your keyboard. I know how you crudely play with me as you threaten to simply not turn back on when I restart you. You're a sly one; however, I am too.
Despite what you may think, I know yelling and banging won't do anything to change your mind. I know how to accommodate for your curve balls. I know different combinations of button pushing and finger jabs to force you to do what I want. I have learned certain ways to come in through the back window you didn't even know existed to do things you wouldn't let me do before. I've gotten good at spotting all the number 4s intermixed in my school papers, and amazingly quick at jabbing keys back into place. Most of all, I know just to avoid turning you off to ensure that you will never permanently shut off on me.
In other words computer, I am well aware of our contempt for each other. I also know that you have the upper hand in this war. I can probably figure out any other fastball you decide to throw, however, there is not much I can do if you decide to pull the terrorist card and crash for good one day. You see, I still have several years left of school and I still need you. All I know to say to you is please, I will be mostly nice if you will be mostly nice. I don't care what else you come up with, just don't die on me. Just hang in there a little longer, and I won't hit quite so hard next time.
With many disgruntled pleadings,
Michelle
P.S. Is this what they call a love-hate relationship?
4 comments:
A Mother's advice....Choose your computer's wisely. Maybe it is time for a new association. You want computers that will be there for the long haul. Don't be guilty by association. Hang with computers that lift and sustain you.......I think you know what I mean. Maybe it is time for an intervention!
Maybe this is the computer's teenage years, and they may pass. However it may be it's grumpy old man stage and will only die. Good luck
Michelle, I am literally wiping the tears away from my eyes, though whether from laughter or complete and total understanding and sympathy I will not divulge. (Truth be told it's probaby a combination of both.)
Michelle, this is the funniest thing I have read in a long time!!! At the same time, your writing rings so true! Is there any way to stop the insanity?????
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